


Vegeta in College: Let the Comedy Begin!

by GokuGirl



Series: The Vegeta Humiliation Chronicles [5]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-06-07
Updated: 2000-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:19:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4190142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokuGirl/pseuds/GokuGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 5 of the Career Arc. Fed up with crappy jobs, Vegeta decides to go to college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vegeta in College: Let the Comedy Begin!

**Author's Note:**

> ( ) = Translated words. The ones I don't commonly use. There may be more of my comments in them as well.

Bulma was at her wits end. Every single career that he's pursued as went up in flames! Resturant worker, childrens entertainer, bus driver, and astronaut... There weren't many more to try. Unless...

"Vegeta! Wakey wakey!" Bulma tried to keep a positive outlook on the day because she knew it would be long and hard. But unless this short saiyan went along with it, it would be  _very_  trying.

"But I don' wanna get up! 5 more minutes daddy..." Vegeta mumbled as he snorted, drooled some more, and rolled over.

Bulma got onto the bed and pushed him with all of her might. Slowly, inch-by-inch, he moved toward the edge of the king sized bed until finally, her objective was reached.

Vegeta plummeted, cursing violently, directly onto his face. Five seconds later he had jumped to his feet and he and Bulma got engaged in a glaring contest.

"WOMAN!" Vegeta roared. "What in flaming hell did you do that for?!"

Bulma glared more angirly and shouted just as loud. "YOU SHORT, PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A SAIYAN!" Screw her idea, this was the last straw!

"Na-nani?" Vegeta stuttered.

"Sure, you try at jobs, but do you ever keep them?" Vegeta opened his mouth and Bulma slammed his jaw up with her open palm. Since he was so shocked, he let her. "NO! Do you ever try to keep them instead of always doing things wrong?" Vegeta opened his mouth to speak again and Bulma repeated the earlier process. "NO! And until you figure out just how to do that, I refuse to figure out how to cook for you, how to fix things for you, how to provide living arrangements for you, and of course, how to PLEASURE YOU!"

"Now Bulma," Vegeta said trying to placate her, "I can just work harder and--"

"NO WAY! You're starting to sound like Yamcha so SHUT UP!" That worked like a charm. "So take your clothes, your few possessions and GET THE HELL OUT!!"

Bulma stomped around the room gathering up his stuff and shoved it into his arms. Then she pointed at the door, one hand on her hip.

Vegeta looked at her one last time and slowly left his home of so many years.

"Hey Papa! Where ya going?" Bra asked from the front yard.

"Somewhere far away."

"Oh. Can I come to visit you?"

Vegeta looked at her daughter one last time. "Iie. You can't. I don't think your Kaasan would want you to be around me. It's best that you stay here." Bra nodded tearfully and hugged him one last time.

"Sayonara Tousan."

Vegeta rose into the air, still carrying his things, and flew off towards the west.

 _Maybe,_  he thought,  _I can get a job in the United States..._

***

Bulma instantly regretted what she had done, but there was no other way.

_Maybe I can go talk to ChiChi, she usually has good advice..._

25 minutes later...

"NANI?! That's a stupid idea!"

"You're the one who came to me!" ChiChi stood leaning over her kitchen table, yelling in Bulmas face.

"But you can do better! 'Kick him out for good, he wasn't worth anything anyway' is  _not_  a good idea! I knew I shouldn't have asked you, you never liked him anyway!"

"That;s right! He tried to kill my Goku and my Gohan!"

"Boy do you hold grudges... that was over 20 years ago!"

"Bulma, ChiChi, nani desu ka?" (What's the matter? I think that's right... ^_~ Feel free to correct me because I can't remember.) Goku asked as he walked into the room and took a seat at the table. Bulma explained the problem and Goku frowned.

"Vegeta is Vegeta," Goku said simply.

Bulma and ChiChi stared at him confusedly.

He continued. "Vegeta is just not able to be a normal Chikyuu citizen. I don't think he will ever keep a job."

"And what about you?" Bulma asked. "What's your excuse?"

"Uh me?" Goku laughed nervously. "I-- hey! I have a job!! Savior of the Universe remember?"

ChiChi and Bulma groaned and sweatdropped.

"That's not what I-- nevermind."

"If you want, I can check up on him for you."

"Would you? Thanks Son-kun!" Bulma jumped up and hugged him. "I've got to go and relieve Trunks of babysitting duty. Ja ne!"

***

"Stupid woman, kicking me out of the house. Who does she think she is? I'm the Prince of the Saiyans!" Vegeta muttered under his breath as he flew along the Californian coast. "What can I do to find-- AH!"

"Ohayo Vegeta!" Goku said cheerfully, smiling brightly. Looking at the digital watch on his wrist, he nodded in ascention. "How ya doing?"

"KAKAROTT! What have I told you about doing that?!"

"Not to. But anyway," Vegeta groaned. "where ya headed?"

"I don't know."

"How about I help you?"

"Iie!"

Goku pouted. "Why not?"

"Because I said so!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

"NO!"

"I'll let you win when we spar again..." Goku pouted even more.

Vegeta tried to ignore him. Ever since Bra had been born, pouts always worked on him and the thing about sparring didn't help one bit. Vegeta tempted a glance back at his simple minded "friend". Something he shouldn't have done. Vegeta sighed deeply and nodded.

"SUGOI!" Goku shouted. "What are we doing again?"

Vegeta began to massage him temples. This was going to be a long trip.

***

"Infinity bottles of soda on the wall, infinity bottles of soda! Take one down, pass it around, infinity bottles of soda on the wall! Infinity bottles of soda on the wall, infinity bottles of soda...."

"STOP!! Please stop!" Vegeta shouted, developing a migraine. They were now over the Iowa somewhere. Fields, fields, and more fields. Maybe an occasional house of cow or two. Not very interesting. "You have INFINITY bottles of soda! There will ALWAYS BE INFINITY BOTTLES OF SODA!!!" The bad thing about it is, he was the one suggested he sing. Anything to stop the endless stream of questions. "Sing something else." he told Goku calmly.

Goku thought for a moment. Then he face brightened as he thought of one. "This is the song that doesn't end! Yes it goes on and on my friends!"

"NOOOOOO!"

***

The songs had finally stopped about an hour ago. They were now in New York City, walking down 5th Avenue, looking for an apartment for Vegeta to temporarily stay in. Then Vegeta realized that he was broke.

"Kakarott," he gritted his teeth, not wanting to ask him. "Can I borrow some cash to exchange to American dollars?"

"Sure! I'll loan you some!" Vegeta smirked. "If I had it..."

"BAKA YARO!" Vegeta shouted, smacking him in the back of his head. Some people stared at him. "What? You never seen a Japanese idiot before?"

"Vegeta!" Goku whined. "That hurt!"

"Hmph." They continued walking southwest.

"Look, there's a park. Why don't we stay there until we figure out something?"

"Good idea."  _Did I just say that? This situation must be getting to me..._

***

"So, we know that you need some sort of job before Bulma allows you back..."

"DUH! Where has your brain been for the past 20 minutes?!" He paused. "Wait, don't answer that. I already know."

But Goku did anyway. "In my head!"

Vegeta facevaulted.  _I've sunk so low...._

"How about you go to college first? Gohan did and now he's a nuerosurgeon! Whatever that is..."

"Baka! It's a doctor that operates on peoples nervous system."

"Honto? (Really?) If you knew that, you could get a scholarship!" He continued when Vegeta look lost. "It's free money that they give out to people who can't afford to pay. Gohan had to get one."

"But that boy is a genius!"

"I know!"

Vegeta facevaulted again.

***

"Are you handicapped, homosexual, or a minority?" The man behind the counter at the financial aid office at Columbia University.

"Handicapped? Does it  _look_  like I'm handicapped?" Vegeta asked.

"I'll take that as a 'no'. Are you homosexual?"

Vegeta looked at Goku, then back at the man. "HELL NO!"

"Fine." He yawned. "Are you a minority?"

"Mainoriti nani ato?" (Again, not sure because my sentence structure may be wrong.)

The man blinked and looked at him blankly.

"He said, 'what's a minority'." Goku spoke up.

"Oh! Why didn't you say so? If you can't speak much English, there might be a problem..."

"I can speak it just fine!" Vegeta snapped.

"Well continue to do so." Vegetas infamous vein throbbed. "Anyway, a minority is someone of a race or ethnicity that is the smallest percentage in a country."

"Oh. Then hai. Yes," he corrected himself. "Sorry, habit."

"That's perfectly fine. We can all stand to learn a new language or two. What ethnic group do you belong to?"

Goku blinked. "You can't tell?" he asked.

"Are you Chinese?" Vegeta shook his head no. "French?" Again no. "African?"

"Does it look like I'm black?! I'M  _JAPANESE_  YOU IDIOT!"

"Actually Vegeta, there  _are_  white people in Africa." Goku informed him.

"Thank you Mr. Geography Book," Vegeta said, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Why you're welcome!" Goku beamed.

Vegeta just shook his head. "Since I'm Japanese, how much can I get?"

"You'll have to fill out this form. Then I'll see what I can do." Vegeta took the clipboard and the pen and took a seat on a hard plastic chair.

"Kakarott, why don't you go somewhere else?"

Goku shrugged and left. Only Kami knows where he went.

***

An hour later the form was complete. He handed to the guy.

"Your full name is 'Prince Vegeta-sama from the Planet Vegeta'?"

"Yeah. So?"

"No reason. But there is a problem..."

"What?"

"Please do it over again. In English this time."

***

Another hour later...

"I am done. Do NOT tell me to do it over!"

"Vegeta..."

"NANI?!"

The man recoiled. "I just wanted to say you have very nice handwriting."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Veggie-chan, I'm back!"

"Don't call me-- what in the world?!"

Goku came into view fully decked out in a Nicks cap, sunglasses, an ' **I** **Y** **New York!** ' tee-shirt, blue jeans, and various souvenirs. He was also carrying two ice cream cones. "Here, I brought you one. It's your favorite!"

Vegeta took his double scoop of chocolate. "Thanks. I owe you."

Goku shook his head. "Hey, what are friends for?"

Vegeta started to rapidly blink. "Thanks," he said in a slightly choked-up voice. "Excuse me, I've got something in my eye..."

Goku smiled knowingly. "Ah," he said simply.

"I've looked over your application," the man cut in, "and I don't see why you can't recieve a full scholarship. Lucky for you we've got lots of extra money. You can start this week if you want."

Goku leaned closer to his friend. "Vegeta," he whispered, "Bulma is rich! How in the world did you get that?"

Vegeta smirked. "It's easy! Alter a little here, embelish a little there. Anyone can do it."

Goku shook his head. "It's wrong, but I won't say anything just this once."

"Why, that's wonderful of you!" Vegeta said sarcastically.

Goku frowned. "Vegeta, was is it with you and sarcasm?"

***

"I'm going back home to Japan, okay? ChiChi's probally worrying by now..."

"Fine. I can stay without you. I'm a big boy now!"

Goku laughed. "An actual attempt at humor from Vegeta! What a rare thing!"

"Shut up," the short one muttered.

"See you on the weekend!" Goku put two fingers to his head, concentrated, and disappeared.

"Stupid Kakarott," Vegeta grumbled as he walked across campus to his 4:00pm Life Studies class. He made it there two minutes before it began.

"Hey! Watch it Old Man!" A twenty year-old man snarled to Vegeta.

"Old Man? You're calling me an OLD MAN?!" Vegeta growled, powering up slightly. The boy saw the aura and started to back away.

"Sorry! My mistake! Just don't kill me!" Then he ran.

"That's right. You better run!" Vegeta found a seat in the back row and slumped down into it.

"Good morning class," the teacher said as she stepped into the room, "today we will be debating the pros and cons of the death penalty..."

_Arguing? That may be interesting..._

***

"Wow! That was intense." Vegeta stopped in the middle of the walkway as he was struck with a thought. "I know what I can master in! Law school looks good. You make a lot of money, you're generally respected..."

He continued along his way to the dorms, immersed in his thoughts.

***

 _I wonder where Veggie-chan is now..._  Bulma sighed as she typed on her laptop.  _Son-kun wouldn't tell me. All he said was 'you'll see' He writes occassional letters, but with no return address or mail stamp._  She sighed again, stood, and walked to the balcony. "Oh Veggie-chan," she said softly, "where are you?"

***

The days turned into weeks and from there into months and finally years until graduation day came.

The door to the auditorium opened and ChiChi, Bulma, Goku, Trunks, Goten, Bra, Gohan, Pan, and Videl entered.

"I still don't understand why we're here!" Bulma practically shrieked.

About 30 different people shushed her.

"Same to you!"

"Everyone, just be quiet and sit in this row." And with puzzled looks on their faces, they did. Soon after, the ceremony began. They had to sit through all the rest of the sections until the law one came up.

Bulmas eyes widened as they called her husbands name and she cried when he accepted his diploma. It has been 8 long years and finally he would be home to stay.

~Owari~


End file.
